Most Crucial Behaviors for Successful Communication

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Weaving

Acknowledge the past, present, and future in relationships for effective communication. The past shapes the present and influences the future.

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Enough time for each partner to speak

Avoid overtalk in communication. Take turns speaking by using a shared item, listen actively, and summarize before switching roles.

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Watching for trauma triggers

As relationships mature, both partners will experience triggers from each other that activate past traumas. The closer people get to each other, the more unresolved or painful experiences from the past will work their way to the surface.

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Proximity without preoccupation

Close physical proximity and full attention are essential for successful communication. Physical distance may trigger comparisons and unresolved feelings projection.

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Defining terms

Clarify meanings to avoid communication pitfalls. Background factors like culture, gender, age, education, and past experiences shape interpretations.

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Reading the other's non-verbal cues

Non-verbal cues shape intimate communication. Facial expressions, body language, tone, and rhythm convey more than words alone.

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Talking “to” rather than “at” or “about.”

It may be hard on the ego to realize that what is being said is no longer of interest, but the alternative is to talk to someone who is not there.

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Attunement

Deepen communication by empathizing with each other's experiences. Imagine feeling the impact of your actions as if it were directed at yourself.

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Sarcasm

Teasing okay if mutually accepted, sarcasm often scornful. Insecurity, discomfort, or fear drive it. Tolerated if funny or apologetic, but wears thin.

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Behaviors That Can Push People Away