If you do try to talk to her, especially about her distance, then she’ll deflect, ignore you, or even get angry. Unfortunately this can easily lead to fights, but an emotionally distant wife might not notice or understand why you’re angry.
A marriage is a union where two people support and uplift each other, or at least it’s supposed to be. Part of that is a sense of intimacy. I don’t just mean in the bedroom, though that is often an important part of maintaining a strong, secure marriage.
Most of us lead busy lives–work, school, friends, children–but in a marriage, it’s important to carve out time to spend together. It could be as simple as watching a favorite TV show in the evening, or going out for a romantic dinner.
Most people have emotions of some kind, and feel the need to share these feelings with someone else. Ideally, you and your wife will help to shoulder each other’s emotional burden, and work through any issues together.
Your feelings are valid, but an emotionally distant person may dismiss them or consider them too intense. At worst, they may outright insult you for having emotions and attempting to express them.
If you don’t fight because you’re getting along perfectly and your relationship is emotionally fulfilling, you wouldn’t be here, seeking answers. Instead, your relationship lacks conflict because your wife has no interest in working through any disagreements.
She’s no longer feeling capable and as with avoiding conflict, she simply doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. She’s also harsh on herself and refuses to see the bright side, or acknowledge anything but her flaws.
She doesn’t have close friends and keeps her family at arms’ length. She may tell you that she’s happy alone, and that could be true; some people are just content in their own little bubbles without much interpersonal interaction.
Trying to discuss this with your wife doesn’t help; she dismisses your feelings or avoids the conversation completely. This leads to feelings of hurt and resentment, especially if your wife won’t work it out with you.
If your wife is emotionally unavailable, she’s already anticipated things going wrong. She doesn’t want to put any effort into the relationship, and this lack of energy means the relationship is unlikely to work out.