When one partner is speaking, whatever their tone of voice, the other partner is looking and listening to them. Even if there is disagreement, it is evident that what the other has to say is still important. Listen to your partner's feelings intently.
Couples who have lost each other's trust and support, whether just recently or over a long period of time, may still show concern when expressing authentic heartbreak.
There are times when I've been with a distressed couple where it appears that the hostility between them has taken over the relationship. They are arguing about the way they are arguing.
Every couple knows how far is too far. Sadly, that underlying knowledge does not always keep them from walking too close to that cliff, and many relationships end because of that sacrilege.
It is natural for most people to use the past or other people to add clout to whatever they point out as valid in the moment.
No matter how angry, hurt, or vengeful a couple acts toward each other in that first session, I can see that their distress with the situation in no way suggests that their partners are fundamentally flawed or damaged people incapable of change, redemption, and acceptance.
Pointing fingers as to who is to blame is a power play and can quickly turn into emotional abuse. There is a bad guy who must be apprehended, and the good-guy victor wins the battle — but loses the war.
There is no hope where there is no life. I'll take a passionate, angry, upset couple any time over two people who sit in the room wishing they could be anywhere else and disappearing into two-dimensional cardboard cutouts.