Ways to Respond When a Friend Hurts You

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Make sure you read the situation correctly

Perception shapes reality. Misunderstandings arise from subjective beliefs. Communication and effort can mend relationships and bridge differences.

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Try talking about the issue with your friend

Perception-checking with feedback helps resolve misunderstandings. Outcome may differ from expectations. Example: Jake and Sam's experience.

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Look for ways to resolve the conflict

Take time to cool down during conflicts. Allow yourself to reset through physical exercise, sleep, or a timeout. Avoid repetitive arguments and reach a resolution.

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Know when not to talk

Sometimes silence can be beneficial for friendships. In Sue Grafton's character Kinsey Millhone, not talking after an argument provides insights and allows for reflection.

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Know when to cut your losses

Sometimes it's necessary to let go of a specific battle or even a whole friendship. Make this decision calmly and after cooling off, without ending things in the heat of an argument.

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Let it go

Let go of hurt and resentment after a fight, whether you stay friends or not. Learn from the experience and use it to grow in future interactions.

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Don’t paint all of your friends with the same brush

Don't seek revenge if someone disappoints you. Surround yourself with supportive friends and move forward, leaving the hurt behind.

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Discuss it with someone else you trust

Seek advice from a trusted person instead of spreading gossip. Turning mutual friends against each other worsens the situation. Respectful communication is key to resolving conflicts.

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How We Move On

Most friends don’t set out to hurt us. When we are hurt by a friend, the pain is usually accidental and the person who caused it feels sorry—even if they cannot bring themselves to apologize.

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Sam and Jake had a chance encounter at a party where Jake sincerely apologized for his behavior, expressing regret and acknowledging his lack of thoughtfulness.

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